


Song of Farewell

by Kalzul



Series: Sanders Sides Stories [2]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Suicidal Virgil, Suicide, slightly happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 10:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12815610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalzul/pseuds/Kalzul
Summary: Dear Sides, I sing you all a song of farewell...as my final goodbye.Major Angst, TW for Suicide!





	Song of Farewell

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to http://definitelycanon.tumblr.com/post/145374325681/from-your-loving-brother-matsuno-karamatsu-a
> 
> A Sanders Sides knockoff of that ^ Also all the sides were having a sleepover in the commons.
> 
> (P.S this is what Virge plays https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NR4F963ttG8 over and over)  
> (Also, I listened to this, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14TRb4w3BzY, while writing this and I even quoted it some ways down so yeah, listen to that if ya like?)
> 
> Pairing: Poly Sanders - Friendship

Virgil hadn't wanted it to have to end this way, but he now knew that there was no other way it possibly could end. He had prayed every waking moment that it wasn't going to be this way, that he'd change for them, but alas, he had failed once again. There was no going back now, this was his end... _his song farewell._

 

He perched his tenor ukulele on his thigh and took a deep breath; in and out. In his head repeat like a mantra, the same words he has scripted since his early days of birth to his present day of rest:  _Remember Virgil, there are no longer any other options for you...you failed to appease them and now you must give your full effort to do so. You must not cry, this is not your day for sorrow. Now, **go**. _

All laid bare, he needn't fail now. Contrary to his very purpose, his own name. With another breath heaved from his crimson lips, swirling an intricate pattern in the crisp air around him. Re-positioning his ukulele, he began to play. 

_"Dear Sides, I sing you all a song of farewell...as my **final goodbye**._

_"I understand the suddenness of such a thing...but I can assure you this was nothing but gradual.  
For years I could only ponder_   _what it would be like...if I was **gone**...._

 _"Every answer I found would only further break...my **heart** , my  **mind**. _ ~~ **Myself**~~. ~~ _  
_~~_So much of me broken and lost...only pieces of what was trail behind me._

_"My being, I realised, was utterly pointless...leaving only waste and poison in my wake..._  
_**Painful**...that's all I ever was..."_

Roman stirred from his slumber, blinking an eye open at the crack of dawn peering through the window. Sitting up, he took note of Virgil's absence after looking around. Patton and Logan were sleeping soundly, the credits of some Disney movie ringing in the background as white noise. Rubbing his eyes, Roman decided on waiting for Virgil because perhaps he was in the bathroom or getting a glass of water...something like that.

As minutes dripped away, Roman turned back to Virgil's makeshift bed, composed of a duvet and many pillows, only to spot a note. How curious, thought Roman, as he leaned to grab it, reading it thoroughly. Upon reading halfway through it, his mind caught onto what this note-however, now labelled "letter"-actually was. Oh no please-, Roman cried, loud sobs jogged his body as they teared their way through him.

_"I guess this is what they call... **Karma**._

_" **I**_   **_deserve this..._**

_"With how much I failed all of you, how often I disappointed...  
It's funny, how the ones who don't deserve hate are drowned by it and the ones who do...get off easy..._

_"I bid my most sincere apologies...for failing Thomas so and all of you..."_

They all cried, mourning the new wound of their lost counterpart...no, their dearest friend, he was one of them. Roman's sobs had awoken and alerted the other two, the letter long since fallen from his trembling hands. Shoulder-to-shoulder they had read, both realising in unison what exactly they were reading. The scream that erupted itself from Patton's throat will never be forgotten.

Even Logan was sobbing his heart out. Emotions were the bane of his existence, but Virgil mattered so much to him, to all of them. Their mutual distress had woken Thomas, wrenching his heart and giving him a pounding headache. He had summoned all of them, only the three sobbing sides appearing before him, having had no energy or will to fight his power. Even if Logan had been crying, he had managed a brief explanation to Thomas and had even the note to hand him. All four sobbed, mourning their untimely loss.

_"Roman,  
_

_"Our creative star...I am so glad to call you a dear friend...and I am_  
_so sorry for not being a better one...you were always_  
_there for me and guided me out of the dark, making sure I was alright, even if I_  
_surely didn't deserve your kindness..._  
_My last advice is to not let your image of yourself and Thomas consume_  
_you...we all love you the way you are, no exceptions and in_  
_Thomas' case with your help, others will as well."_

One of their own, their youngest no-less, gone...lost forever...they all cuddled together as comfort and to be comforted. As a whole, they all needed each other right now and considering what happened to the one who they acted like they didn't need, they didn't want, no time soon would they let each other go. Individually yet together, they all felt as if they let go of anyone, even for a small second, they would simply fall away and be blown to the wind as ashes of their former self. So they held tight, sobbing their hearts out.

_"Patton,_

_"My sweet Patton! There is no better smile and sun than the ones_  
_that come from you. Even if your happiness is one of_  
_the suns that shine for all of us, it's okay to let it rain some days, you_  
_don't have to keep everything in forever, we all know that you_  
_worry too. Don't keep your negative emotions_  
_be muted by your positive ones just because no one else is positive.  
_ _We will all love and appreciate you no matter what."_

None of them knew what the future would hold for them. They all wished they had done things differently, they wished they had tried harder to listen and understand him...but now they couldn't. They had taken him for granted and now he was gone forever. As they all knew, however, this was bound to happen for many different factors, but number one was Virgil's guilt for things he didn't mean to do and was forgiven for. They now only wished that they had tried to coax him out of his guilt sooner or even at all.

  _"Logan,_

_"You work so hard, harder than all of us combined,_  
_and you drive Thomas to work for a greater today, tomorrow and make_  
_sure he has a great yesterday to thrive from...and I know,_  
_that despite all your fears and worries, you will get_  
_him, Patton, Roman and yourself through just fine, I know_  
_that you can and I know that you are going to."_

Once separated into the mind palace and back to their individual bedrooms, each had their own full meltdown. Each one was different but had the same exterior motive. Patton screamed and sobbed, tearing the heads off his stuffed toys and curling on his side on the ground to continue sobbing. Roman cried for a while. He cried and cried until he couldn't cry. Then he paused for a while and cried some more. When he was tired of crying, he returned to his Kingdom and hunted down every single evil creature and fought them, killing every single one.

On the other hand, Logan went to his room and stood still, staring blankly. Suddenly, he raced around and found every single breakable thing he had and made sure it was broken to bits on the floor. Glass, plastic, wood, thin metal and everything in between, broken, damaged and smashed to bits. Thomas went to his room and did a combination of all three. Scream, cry, destroy and break, repeat.

_"and Thomas,_

_"I'm so proud of you._    
_I know I never showed and I'm sorry, but I_    
_really am proud. To be a facet of someone so great and_    
_to be the **one thing** that makes them scared of who they are_   
_and what they look like and...you are an idol, Thomas, who_    
_should be very proud of what they've accomplished and_    
_what they're going to accomplish. I know you can and will_    
_do great things with the help of the others and without me_  
_holding you_   _back. God...I just..._

 _"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be strong for you, I'm sorry that_  
_I'm heightened and ruined your life. I'm sorry for all your insecurities_  
_and I'm sorry for making things to be insecure about. Without me,_  
_you are an amazing person, practically flawless._  
_But I make you worry for no reason about a little weight or a lack of_  
_height or something so minuscule. I love all of you so much and_  
_I'm sorry for loving you all so much...I'm unworthy, an idiot,_  
_and I'm a colossal failure to all of you. I know now that_  
_without me, you will all thrive, I promise you._  
_Always believe in_   _one_   _another."_

No matter how much they knew they couldn't, they wanted to have Virgil back, even if just for a second, to tell him just how wrong he is. That he's wrong about himself, wrong about what he contributes. They thought after the "Accepting Anxiety" videos, he was getting better, that he was accepting himself...but they were wrong and just blindly assumed because he told them his name...a name now only used to remember a fallen companion, "son", counterpart and dear, dear friend. 

They had no idea what the future would hold for their now aching souls, but it was nothing productive for a long time. They knew their mourning would control them until they can get over it enough to move again. Never will they ever be fully over the loss of their youngest but eventually it will push them for better, not scare them for worse. It's funny how the lack of fear makes everyone terrified but with him present, they're all at ease with a comforting "complete" feeling inside of them.

How this was going to affect Thomas as a whole was hard to determine, but negative by all means. Logically, Logan had reasoned, Thomas was now three-fourths of the man he once was and would never be the same in how he was ever again, but that doesn't mean the facet of "Anxiety" won't return. There is a very likely chance that the emotions and thoughts Virgil represented will be reborn but they will never be Virgil, never again will they have their youngest back. This new facet's name may even be "Virgil", but they won't be him. Never...

_"As for me..._  
_I know you all will be better  
_ _without me..._

_" **I never did belong...** "_

However...no matter how discouraged they all felt and no matter how much they missed their sweet, sweet youngest, they would carry on, it was Virgil's wishes, his dying wishes. They all remember instances where Virgil had comforted them at their darkest, he was very wise and understanding, and none of them can forget his reoccurring words,

_"Don't worry..._  
_Losing is only a sign you really tried._  
_Now, forever trade your place with the "same old_  
_me", and stop racking up the cases of who_  
_you failed to be. 'Cause why would you  
_ _replace the sky? What would you change it to?"_

Even when they had sunk to their absolute lowest and thought no one could help, Virgil was always there to understand because he was the embodiment of Thomas' "lowest". He always helped and understood, always giving them a little reassuring push in the right direction...but who was there for him when he needed someone? Someone, to help and understand, give him a little push? No one was there to understand him or even try, hence why they were where they were now. This situation could have been helped.

This thought haunted all of them. The knowledge that they could have stopped this jogged every movement they made, cried on every thought they had and it was tantalising. It hurts how they realise now how much they loved him instead of before, when it mattered.

_"I am so sorry...  
_ _...for being the way I am..._

**_"Goodbye..."_ **

At the time, doing this had pained them, but as time passed, this had morphed into something to drive them to do better, motivate them to keep going, no matter how dark their world was and to keep them determined to make this world a better place. So now, in the center of Thomas' living room, mounted on the wall was a small black frame...when they had framed Virgil's suicide note, it made them cry and break down almost every time they looked at it, but now it made them smile as they remembered Virgil in his prime times.

Yes, they missed him with all their hearts, but as he said, they were capable of doing better and that when they did, it would benefit not just them, but anyone who happened to see their efforts and have it inspire them or strike their interest, even a little bit. His words never left them, his smiles and laughs trailed behind them no matter where he went and his memory kept them constantly going.

_"Maybe one day...  
_ _we can meet again._

_"From your fellow side and loving friend,_  
**Virgil Ann Sanders.** "

**Author's Note:**

> QUICK PSA!
> 
> SUICIDE ISN'T THE OPTION! Life's toughest questions don't have simple answers, and no matter what you may think and believe, dodging those questions won't make it better! It doesn't rid of that lost feeling, it only passes it onto someone else.  
> You are worth it and no matter what, you can reach out your hand and someone will come running, just let that lonely feeling wash away (I love deh). Please, keep on living, you can do amazing things and even if no one else sees them, they're still amazing.  
> Even if you don't know me, I love you and value your existence and so does someone else, even if it doesn't feel like it or they don't show. Have a great day, afternoon or night!


End file.
